Redeem this text for a blowjob
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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