just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
