First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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