is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
