so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
