In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
