Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
