My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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