I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She announced her abortion via fbk
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
