there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
