you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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