is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
being pregnant is like rehab
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
