u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
