i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
