So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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