i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
