Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I AM VODKA MAN
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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