I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
