happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize