the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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