she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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