just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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