It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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