Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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