the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
