I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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