i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize