you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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