i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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