I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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