1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
