i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
