good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
