Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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