I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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