You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
