My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
