He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize