Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
