i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize