dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
