well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
