she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
