Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
