u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Everything about him screamed your future.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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