What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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