Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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