Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
