Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
