I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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