I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
