Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
