I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize