I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
