apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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