I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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