I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
