never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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