I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
