How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
