What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
