I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize