Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Randomize
