I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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