My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
