it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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