i just made my gag reflex go away.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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