in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I wish there were birth control emojis
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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