i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
