I must be too annoying 4 u.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
