The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
