I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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