Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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